Products

Condoms

Our researchers have spent more than six-years developing a full range of human-tested, canine-adapted prophylactics, toys and tools specifically to aid your dog in an assortment of traditional sex acts, without the need to have been neutered, in order to ensure that he will not become the father of an unexpected litter of orphan pups.

Some have said that we’re crazy, and others that we’re a bit deranged, but we understand the wants, needs and desires of our friends in the canine family, and we won’t let such simple matters as “inconvenience” or “the gross-out factor” stand between us, our dogs, and doing that one thing that comes so naturally to, in, and often all over them.

Browse our selection of Dog Condoms™ and choose the package that’s right for you and your best friend. Don’t be ashamed and don’t be shy, if you think he needs ribs to push his girl over the cliff, buck up and buy it. If you think he’s more of an unlubricated pup, party on let him rough it out.

Whatever ideas you have about your dog’s sexual desires, however peculiar or unfounded they may be, we’re here to help with our wide variety of condoms, self-fulfillment toys and alternative products that go even beyond all that. PLACE ORDER

FiDilDo-Dog

You may not know what your beloved pooch is hungry for, but if you’re not willing to accept the limited risks associated with extra-canine intercourse, you can put your faith in the Dog Condoms engineers to find just the sort of “ruff sex” your boy is after.

Our patent pending love buddy, the Fidildog™, is anatomically accommodating, available in a number of sizes designed to match your organic dog, and can be fine tuned to the very vibraspeed your little buddy needs to sate him from carnal desires.

The FiDilDog™ is also available with intelligizmic sensors capable of real-time biofeedback capable of sensing the passion level of your dog in order to minimize (or prolong!) the orgasm arc. Once an impossible feat, now it can be easily assured with the simple spin of the potentiometer. PLACE ORDER

Self-Gratifying Legs

If you haven’t yet found the perfect partner for your beloved poodle, all hope is not lost, and your baby doesn’t have to resent you for your patience.

We have a modest variety of simulated lovers available for your household companion as presented in the perennial favorite form of the humpable human leg. There’s no debating that breeding-ready dogs love human legs, and if you don’t have a tramp or lady friend for him to enjoy, we have the next best thing.

Our legs come in a variety of textures including corduroy, velour, satin, denim and for the hardest to please of household friends; burlap. While it isn’t exactly what he’s after, it’s sure to be a hit with him, you, and your drycleaner! PLACE ORDER

Flavored Condoms

We are still running our beta products through a series of test with the USDA right now, but we expect to have flavored condoms available within the next few months.

If you’re a human being, you surely must know how flavored condoms can take a sniffing experience to a whole new level. Flavored Dog Condoms™ are no different.

They bring a whole new level of arousal to the safe-sex game of canine intercourse, and we are proud that we will be able to offer them in a variety of exciting flavors including poultry, fish, and liver.

Nothing could ever say how much love there is to be shared as a sharply scented and flavored glove of love in the wafting aromas of their bitch’s favorite snack time delights. PLACE ORDER

Doggy Dental Dams™

This product is still at least a year from market-ready. We’ve encountered a number of developmental problems along the way, the most obvious of which being the fact that a dog’s mouth is up to 8” long and 3” wide, effectively making the dental dam about the size of a toddler’s rain slicker without the arms.

The next biggest problem, just as noticeable and only slightly easier to overcome, is that is typically gets caught in the windpipe and chokes a dog out of consciousness requiring swift and professional action from waiting veterinarians.

The last problem, and one that can’t be ignored, was that fewer than 2% of the dogs in our tests were even willing to use it, even among those that had been carefully trained exactly for this purpose, even when we pre-rubbed it with bacon grease.

We have not given up our commitment to development and testing of this exciting product, however, and as creatures smarter than the dogs we serve (never the other way around) we are confident that we will prevail. PLACE ORDER

Vibra-Teddy Bear

As a human being, it’s certain you remember the first time you transitioned from items of self gratification that were inanimate into the wonderful world of semi-automiatic.

The Vibra-Teddy™ is no different. This clever little bear is voice activated, but not to your voice, to his barking.

This stuffed, plush cuddly will wiggle and jiggle in ways he’s sure to soak time and time again, but it’s only active for 30-60 seconds between barks, and not just any bark will do.

This interactive love device is sure to provide an invigorating challenge your little loved one will surely cherish until the batteries die, his carrot is peeled, or you finally give up washing it and toss it in the trash. PLACE ORDER