Why Dog Condoms

Even PETA will tell you plainly that mutilating your pet is wrong. Whether it’s cropping the ears, clipping the tail, or declawing your ferocious feline; putting your prized pet under the knife to suit your humanly purposes is austerely inhumane.

So with that obvious knowledge in your quiver, why would you even dream of getting your dog spayed or neutered?

Who Do You Think You Are, Bob Barker?

House pets have so little to look forward to in life. Living a domestic existence is hard for them, and unnatural, and it only serves the purpose of making your life somehow better by filling some unexplainable absence you feel probably because you don’t have children, but it robs them of everything they know to be the very essence of their nature.

They don’t get to hunt, rove in packs or die from exposure at young ages. Sex is one of the last bastions afforded to domestic animals, and the act of spaying or neutering your dog can take away their very will to live.

If all you had left in your life was poetry and I bashed you in the head with a rock, thus damaging your brain to the point you could never again muster a natural sonnet, what would you have left to live for?

Now imagine that you’re a dog and it’s your genitals. Now you might just understand the benefits of Dog Condoms™ over neutering.

At the same time, though, you don’t exactly want Balto fathering an illegitimate litter twice a year, because that would only make the American pet crisis worse.

Surely there must be a solution somewhere in between, right? In a perfect world you’d find something that is humane, yet dignified; and fair, yet agreeable.

Wish and dream no more. Now there is just such a solution, and we’ve made it affordable too.

Dog Condoms™ allow you to keep your puppy peppering the powerful dog spunk that makes him who he is without the typical regret so often associated with humping mutt-style neighborhood bitches.

You don’t have to pay the outrageous costs the veterinarian so unapologetically charges for his indifferently applied services, but you can still stem the tsunami of unwanted puppies that result from horrible situations like dog fighting or canine foodstuffs.

Some have pointed out that it is indeed a little bit of extra work, but the application of the Dog Condom™ is fairly straightforward, and 99.9% effective, when used properly.

Now man’s best friend can enjoy the best of both worlds as he keeps his natural hormone levels, libido and testicles, while not contributing to the growing problem of Stray Dog Syndrome so prevalent throughout the United States, most specifically the southern and poor parts of it.

So if you ask “Why Dog Condoms™?” I ask you right back, “How could you dream of any other solution, now that you know this easy, affordable remedy exists?”